回顧神設立真耶穌教會一百週年恩典之際,自已年紀雖還不及其中的四分之一, 憶起過去廿三年間自己的信仰歷程. 神曾教導我經歷各種不同的功課, 在生活中賜予諸多恩典, 以及主動無條件地賞賜給我的愛. 而衪的愛不限只賜給我, 神也將祂這種不變的愛分賜給每一個蒙愛的兒女. 我的見證是要提醒教會的每位弟兄姊妹, 是神的愛保守並帶領我們在此獨一的真教會裹,因此在紀念一百週年時,需牢記神的愛並祈願長久持守在祂的裹面. 如此神的厚愛與恩慈就會超越時空地繼續與教會同在,令我們恒久居住在衪的身體裹面成為一體.
「我以永遠的愛, 愛你; 因此我以慈愛吸引你. 」(耶卅一3)
在有限的年歲中,神多次多方地展現衪長存不息的大愛在我身上,遠超過自己所求所想的. 感謝神允許在英國生長的青年有機會利用四年的暑期假日參加「青年短期神學訓練班」, 此一訓練成為我個人信仰的重要轉捩點, 使我有幸親自體驗到神. 助我棄去由父母那裹傳下的二手信仰,自己與神建立關係. 事情發生於2012年八月, 當我還在澳魯景教會參加青年神訓班第二年課程, 在第一個星期之禱告時,常見有黑影出現環繞我. 第一次發生是我與澳魯景青年同靈同在育嬰室跪在隔板前閉著雙眼禱告, 見到一黑影開門進入向我走來, 剛開始還以為是小組長來叫我們結束禱告, 因上課的時間到了. 但當我張開眼睛,卻未見有任何人. 從那時起,每天禱告中都至少有一次看見黑影出現,而且通常都是當我掙扎著要讓自己專心禱告時發生. 那影像是如此真實,起初還只當是自己想像的幻影,試著不在意地忽視它的存在.如此直到第二週的星期三晚間見證會, 一位姊妹提到人人均需承認自身的罪過.聽了她的見證,再反省自己眼見的黑影,覺得需向神悔改認罪. 從那夜開始, 我決定雖還不知自己犯了什麼罪或是否曾犯罪,但每次禱告時總不斷地求神赦免.儘管如此,我的禱告還是覺得軟弱無力.
情況持續至第二週星期五的晚禱時, 我決定求問神為何總讓我在禱告時見到黑影. 因為黑影頻繁,知這不是自己的想像而已. 求問之後,雖仍閉著雙眼卻突見到有白光出現. 但我還存疑心,認為這僅是自己的幻覺. 張開雙眼求神讓我再次見那白光,證明它不是幻像.慢慢地周遭影像又明亮起來, 只是亮度不及第一次那般強烈,因此還是有少許懷疑. 接著見有些黑影從我身邊閃過或繞著我四圍轉動,我十分害怕而不得不更加迫切地禱告. 如此,四周的一切又逐漸明亮起來, 並出現一個高大的人影向我而來立在面前. 我的身體開始震動, 並自動低下頭,舌頭也漸快速地轉動. 我能看見有光照在那人頭上,也感覺到我頭頂有股熱流,只是不敢抬頭往上看. 心雖知站在面前的就是主耶穌, 卻又多心疑慮也有可能是傳道正等著要為我按手禱告. 當我再睜開眼睛時,四望無人. 此時才後悔主曾站在我面前,卻因不信失去親見主面的機會. 悔恨的眼淚禁不住的奪眶而出,也開始有些明白會見到黑影, 是因心中生出懷疑與不信的惡心. 縱使在禱告中, 也不能完全信靠並相信主耶穌. 不僅如此, 更憶起早在2011年青年神訓班中禱告時也曾見到黑影,加上其後又有姊妹告訴我每年神訓班均發生過一些不好的事情. 使我老抱著有惡事發生的心態去參加青年神訓班,留給魔鬼工作的機會. 認識問題所在之後, 開始非常迫切地禱告,祈求主幫助我小信的心. 很快地禱告中查覺在我右臉旁有另張面孔出現,而且感到那是主耶穌. 這次我不再懷疑, 主的面龐離我很近,雖未曾直接觸及但面頰上仍有感覺. 感到傳過來一股強烈卻很舒適的熱力. 只可惜那次禱告很快就在鈴聲中結束了.
次日,我對禱告的態度有了改變,能全心貫注地禱告了.雖幾天後感到專心的程度略有些退步. 神訓班最後一週的星期二, 小組長通知當晚有一節額外的一小時禱告時間. 得知這消息心中一沉,因我從未有過如此長時間的禱告經驗,自忖體力將無法勝任. 禱告會時黃世明傳道先給我們一些簡短的勉勵. 他的勉勵讓我想到需重新調整自己的注意力,專注在耶穌身上. 黃傳道勉勵大家: 先要用禱告敬拜神,然後才將自己的需要告訴衪; 我們的心和膝蓋需要同時向神下拜. 抱著這份認識跪下禱告幾分鐘後,有股亮光從上頭照射在我身上,令我禱告更加用心.很快地四圍都被白光籠罩明亮起來. 雖然當時心裹清楚自己是在會堂, 也能聽見周遭人禱告的聲音,卻總覺得自己是身處他方. 身體非常輕鬆,內心充滿喜樂, 忘卻一切重擔和生活的憂慮. 感到平生未曾經歷過的平安和喜悅. 突然間一道強烈的光照我雙眼, 我立時像前次一樣低下頭,身體震動,舌頭也快速轉動起來.感到耶穌就站在我身旁,只是不能確定在何方位. 接著有兩隻手按在我背上,雖經過長時間的禱告,並不覺背部酸痛. 我問主是否真是衪? 問過後頓覺背後的雙手力道加重了些, 此時突然咳了起來, 因怕耶穌離開,因此再追問主是否仍在那裹? 如同上次一樣,感到背上的手再次用力, 似是在作回答. 起初以為主站在我的正前方, 但那就不可能他的雙手會按到我背部. 因此確定耶穌實是站在我後方,正用雙手在我背後支持著. 似乎要讓我明白,無論生活中遭遇到什麼困難,衪都會在那裹幫助扶持. 直至禱告結束的鈴聲響起,按在我背部的力量才跟著消失. 儘管那次禱告已過去許久, 但我內心所得的喜欒與深切的安慰卻從未消退過.
感謝神讓我有機會體驗到祂恆久忍耐的大愛與恩慈. 雖然這見證是發生在數年之前, 但它仍時時地提醒你我:絕不能須臾將我們的注意力從神身上轉離,否則必會給魔鬼留下地步. 人心常輕易地漂離神,甚至陷入靈性昏睡的境況而不自覺. 有時因自滿或自信於虛有的信心, 直到面臨困難或難題時才覺悟自己的貧乏缺欠. 這體驗也提醒我們: 神多麼愛凡屬衪的子女們. 我們真知道神多愛我們嗎? 實在相信祂的愛嗎? 過去我常遺忘祂所賜予各樣的愛, 或視衪的愛為理所當然,以為這是自己應得的. 但事際上神並不虧欠我們任何東西, 祂將愛白白賜下,全出於衪的恩慈和憐憫. 為什麼在人未明白衪多麼愛我們之前, 神就以奇妙的方式多多的將其慈愛傾倒在每個子女身上? 我們的生活,乃至其中所發生的每一件事, 都是神愛我們的偉大見證 !
我全心誠意地相信, 神讓我體驗在禱告時先見黑影又見白光,正是要提醒也是勉勵不單是我,也是讓所有的人都知道衪是多麼深切地愛我們. 真教會已被建立一百年, 我們能成為神救恩計劃的一環, 並且至今能保守在衪的真理中, 本身就是一個莫大的恩典. 當我們回顧各人一生中曾經歷領受的眾多不同之各種恩典,聚集這些恩典所成就的大恩就是神賜我們的大愛. 叫我們知道: 衪就是這樣地愛著你與我. 願一切榮耀尊崇都歸給我主耶穌基督. 哈利路亞, 阿門!
O How He Loves You and Me
Sis Rebecca Chan
Elgin Church, UK
When reflecting back over the past 100 years of the True Jesus Church, although I have only been alive for less than a quarter of that time period, it causes me to think back to my own personal faith journey over the last 23 years. I think back to the different lessons that God has taught me, the blessings He has bestowed upon my life, the undeserving love He so willingly gives me without any conditions. However, this love is not limited only to me. As God’s beloved children, our Heavenly Father’s unchanging love outstretches to each and every one of us. My testimony is a reminder to each brother and sister in the True Jesus Church that God’s love has preserved us and brought us to the one true church so that in the 100th year of the church, we are able to remain in His one body. God’s love and mercy will continue to abide in the church, transcending time and space so we must remember this love and remain within the Lord.
“Yes, I have loved yo u with an everlasting love” (Jeremiah 33: 3)
God has truly demonstrated His everlasting love to me in many ways that go beyond my expectations over my lifetime. I thank God that a significant event which many UK youth will attend :YTTC (Youth Theological Training Course); that the four summers spent undergoing this training course act as some pivotal turning points in my journey of faith, allowing me to experience God personally, leaving behind my second hand faith. Focusing particularly on my second year of YTTC, in August 2012 at my local church in Elgin, I began to see dark shadows walking around me in my prayers in the first week. The first time was when I was praying in the baby room with the Elgin youth. I was kneeling directly in front of the sliding door and whilst my eyes were shut, I saw a dark figure open the door and walk towards me. Initially I assumed it was a team leader telling us to end the prayer as it was time for class but when I opened my eyes there was no one there. From that point onwards, during at least one prayer each day
when I was struggling to concentrate, I would see dark shadows in my prayers. But because I have a very vivid imagination, for a while I thought I had imagined all these so I ignored them.
This continued until I heard a testimony from a sister the Wednesday night of the second week about the importance of confessing our sins. After which, I reflected, considered, and concluded that perhaps I had sinned – though I could not recall how or if – and so giving ground to the devil: these dark shadows. From that night onwards, I decided to pray for forgiveness. However, despite dedicating all my prayers towards this matter, there was no difference in my prayers and I continued to feel weak.
This carried on until the evening prayer two days later, so I decided to ask God why I was seeing these dark shadows, so frequently that I realized I could not still be imagining it. After asking God the question, despite my eyes being closed, everything suddenly turned bright. Again, I doubted and thought it was my own imagination so I opened my eyes. I then asked God to reconfirm the light I had seen by showing me again. Gradually, everything got brighter again but it was not as bright as the first time so I continued to doubt. After this, I saw many dark shadows flashing past me, running around me. I became very scared and started to pray more earnestly. Then once again, everything turned bright and I saw a tall figure walk towards me and stood directly in front of me. My body started shaking, my head automatically bowed and I began speaking in tongues rapidly. I could see light coming from the top of this figure and felt heat at the top of my head but I did not dare to look up. I knew this was Jesus standing in front of me but I still had doubts and wondered perhaps a preacher had wanted to lay hands on me. So I opened my eyes but there was no one there. I broke down in tears for having missed the
chance to see my Lord Jesus because of my unbelief. Then it occurred to me why I had been seeing these dark shadows. Unknowingly, I had developed doubt and unbelief in my heart so that even when I was praying, I did not fully trust in Jesus. Not only that, I recalled that during the previous year’s YTTC I also witnessed dark shadows; and how after YTTC was over, a sister commented that bad things happened every year at YTTC. So subconsciously, I had brought that mentality along and expected something bad to happen which gave room for the devil to work. After I realized this, I began to pray very earnestly that Jesus could help with my unbelief. Shortly after, I felt a face appear on the right side of my face and knew immediately that it was Jesus and this time I did not doubt. His face was so close to mine but not enough to touch that I felt a tingly feeling on my cheek and there was a very strong but comforting heat on the right side of my face. Not long after, the prayer ended.
The following day, I found that my attitude and heart towards prayer had completely changed and I could now fully concentrate in prayer. But as a few days went by, I started to slack again. On the Tuesday of the final week, I was unhappy on hearing that there would be an extra one hour long prayer in the evening; I had never prayed this long!. But when the time of the prayer session came, preacher Steven encouraged us to worship God before making our requests known to Him, to bow our hearts as well as our physical knees. So when I knelt down to pray, I prayed with this mentality and a few minutes into my prayer, a light shone down on me from above so I continued to pray harder. Soon after, everything around me turned white as though there was light all around me. During that part of my prayer, even though I was aware I was in the chapel physically and could hear others praying around me, it felt as though I was somewhere else. My whole body felt very light and I was very joyful, as if all my burdens had been lifted and I had no worries in life. This sense of peace and joy was unlike anything I had
ever experienced before. Then suddenly a very bright light shone into my eyes and just like previously my head automatically bowed, my body started shaking and I spoke in tongues rapidly. I knew that Jesus was near me but I did not know where. Then I felt two hands on my back. So I asked Jesus if that was Him and after asking this question, I felt applied pressure on my back again. Then I suddenly coughed and I was worried that Jesus had left so I asked Him if He was still there. Yet again, after asking this, I felt the applied pressure. I realized that Jesus was actually standing behind me supporting me with His hands. He was trying to tell me that no matter what I faced in life, He would always be there helping and supporting me. After this, the bell rang and the prayer ended and the feeling on my back disappeared. Although the prayer had come to an end, the deep comfort and joy that I felt in my heart never faded away. I truly thank God for allowing me to experience this as it demonstrated God’s enduring love and mercy. And although this happened a few years ago, it still acts as a great reminder that if I shifted my focus away from God, even if for a mere second, I would inadvertently be giving
room to the devil. Sometimes I may be complacent and so confident in my own faith that I do not realize how much I am still lacking until a problem or difficult circumstance faces me. This experience also reminds us of how much God loves His children. Over time, I had slowly forgotten all the love that God had given to me and I took His blessings for granted, as if He owed them to me. But in actual fact, God does not owe me anything; He gives His love freely to me out of His mercy and grace. Why do I always need Him to manifest His love in some magnificent way before I will believe how much He loves me? My life and everything that has happened in it should be a big enough testimony of God’s love!
When reflecting back over the past 100 years of the True Jesus Church, it causes me to think back to my own personal faith journey over the last 23 years. I think back to the different lessons that God has taught me; the blessings, the undeserving love He so willingly and unconditionally gives me. However, this love is not limited only to me. As God’s beloved children, our Heavenly Father’s unchanging love outstretches to each and every one of us. My testimony is a reminder to each brother and sister in the True Jesus Church that God’s love has preserved us and brought us to the one true church so that we are able to remain in His one body despite the passage of a century God’s love and mercy will continue to abide in the church, transcending time and space so we must remember this love and abide reciprocally with Him.
“Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love” (Jeremiah 33: 3), says God.
In response, can we resoundingly say O how He loves you and me! May all glory and honour be unto our Lord Jesus Christ! Hallelujah!